Epicenter
by WriterLeigh
Summary: She is his biggest downfall and she'd had him hooked ever since she knocked him back that very first time. Loving him scares the hell out of her, but now it's all or nothing. Kate/Rick. Based solely on the promo for '47 Seconds'
1. Epicenter

**Author Note: **

I know everyone is probably getting a little sick of seeing stories based around the '47 Seconds' promo, but I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and add my own to the mix. This is solely based on certain lines of the promo, which are italicized. It is more about Rick's mindset, and I'm currently writing a companion piece to this, which is Kate's POV. Rated T for minor language. There may be a further chapter, if anyone wants it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>__I make no money from the writing of this piece, therefore you can assume, correctly that I am not Andrew Marlowe ;)_

* * *

><p>I hope you guys enjoy; this is my first story for the fandom I'm posting and I hope you'll let me know what you think, particularly with regard to my characterizations. Constructive criticism is welcomed!<p>

Oh, and a Happy Castle Monday :3 This next hour is going to drag.

-Leigh

* * *

><p><strong><span>Epicenter<span>**

_"Why did you plant that bomb?"_ Detective Beckett demanded. He was watching her pace the floor in the interrogation room from behind the glass in observation, and it never ceased to amaze him that he could hear what was going on as clearly as if he was stood next to her. An angry fire burned steadily behind the expression she wore and Castle had been working alongside her long enough now to recognize the warning signs. Her lips were drawn together and even though the walls separated them, Kate radiated cold fury. It meant the case was affecting her more than she'd allow anyone else to believe.

It meant she was _this_ close to losing control.

_"I don't remember." _Answers like that wouldn't do anything for her fury, and Castle watched with bated breath for her to respond. Despite how inappropriate the situations often were, he found watching her when she was angry fascinating. She, of course, found it creepy.

"Not good enough," Kate said sharply. Her hand slammed down on the table, making her point and reverberating loudly throughout the room and into the next. Rick winced - willing to bet that when her adrenaline rush had worn off she'd feel that.

Kate stalked towards him, and perched herself on the edge of the table, right next to their suspect. Castle snorted derisively as the guy mumbled something about traumatic events, knowing there was no way his Detective would buy into that. He could tell her proximity was making the guy lose his cool, and couldn't help but to lean forward in anticipation of her next words because he'd been on the receiving end of that hard stare himself, right before she furiously told him they were done.

"_I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it!"_ Her eyes flashed dangerously as she finally snapped, clenching her fist tightly as if to prevent herself from exercising a heavy dose of police brutality. Not that the son of a bitch wouldn't have deserved it. Castle was oblivious to this though, as whatever he'd been expecting to hear – it wasn't this. "So don't you dare try and use trauma as an excuse," Kate pushed herself up off of the desk, and livid, began pacing again, her hands balled up next to her, "Because there's no excuse for what you did."

Castle had stopped consciously listening now and her words sounded like a distant echo to his ears. An unpleasant feeling washed over him and he could feel bile starting to rise in his throat. _'I was shot in the chest,' _Her words chased themselves through the chambers of his brain as he stood, rooted in the same spot, fixated on the scene playing out before him; though at the same time he had no idea what was going on. _'I remember every second of it'. _Ironically, hearing her words felt like taking a bullet.

She remembered.

Every second of it, she said.

_'I love you, Kate' _She'd heard him.

And yet she'd said nothing- no, _worse- _she'd lied to him.

In the seconds that followed, he'd start to make excuses for her; convince himself that the memories hadn't been there all along, that she'd just started remembering, that there was a perfectly logical explanation for what she'd just said in there. Hell, she could have even been lying, and still have no recollection - it wouldn't be the first time she'd taken liberties with the truth in order to get a confession.

Except he knows that it's different this time.

He's a writer and reading people is one of many occupational hazards. It's written all over Kate's- Beckett's face and the pain in her eyes tells him more than words ever could and confirms she has been lying to him for the past seven months. Suddenly the little things start to make sense; the way he has a feeling sometimes, there's more she wants to say (because there is) and the look in her eye, that he can never quite place but now the truth is out he knows exactly what he's been seeing; guilt.

"_You remembered?" _The words were hollow, catching in his throat and carrying no weight. "Oh God-"He muttered desperately, leaning against the wall because he wasn't sure he could trust his legs not to give way beneath him. "You remembered." Castle was still staring mindlessly into the interview room, and as he looked on, Kate's form started to become blurred and his eyes started to sting. He needed to leave. With that conscious thought overriding every other emotion, he forced himself to turn and walk away.

Not knowing exactly what to do, Castle composed himself and headed for the bullpen, hoping that the familiarity would calm him down. In there they were Castle and Beckett; writer and cop. Anything else was irrelevant. He quickly realized that it had been a bad idea. Who was he trying to kid? How was he supposed to forget what he'd heard, when everything here reminded him of her? This was Detective Beckett's domain and when she'd been off recovering, being here made him feel close to him again. But now he just couldn't handle it. It made his heart ache.

Castle was dimly aware that Ryan was speaking to him and tried to focus on the conversation at hand, but it was no use. He stood up, "I'll be back in a while- there's something I gotta do." He answered, forcing a smile.

He turned to leave. Just as _she_ walked through the door.

"Can I talk to you for a second Castle?" Kate moved over to him, reaching for the coffee he'd left on her desk and taking an appreciative sip, she threw him one of the smiles

Castle took a step back from her, because the familiar scent of cherries was in danger of overwhelming him, and caused a painful ache to settle somewhere between his chest and his stomach. "About the case?" He questioned guardedly, forcing himself to meet her eyes, because she'd know straight away that something was wrong.

Ryan and Esposito seemed to have sensed that this wasn't a conversation they needed to be privy too, so – with mumbled excuses of going to get coffee – left them too it. Beckett bit down on her bottom lip, in a way that usually Castle would have found endearing, but today it just made him feel emptier, if that was possible. "Not about the case," She answered softly, "I want to talk about us." Her voice became quieter still, but he didn't have to strain himself to hear her.

Castle just stared at her for what felt like an age – but in reality – couldn't have been more than a few seconds. His jaw twitched, and his eyes glassed over. "Oh, so _now_ you want to talk about us?" By contrast, his voice seemed to rise in volume; so much for not letting on that he was angry. "Have you ever considered that maybe it's too little, much too late?" The bitterness that laced his words was unintentional but even as he saw the hurt pass across her face, he couldn't bring himself to care. Because he was hurting too. Because she'd done that to him. He knew, or at least could hazard a guess at why she'd lied but it didn't make the sting in his heart any less painful.

He watched Kate's brow furrow in confusion as she tried to understand what he was talking about, "You're gonna need to give me more to go on than that- I'm not a mind reader, Castle." Her words came out louder this time, more defensive but judging by the look on her face, she hadn't expected that reaction either.

He tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat, "Sorry Detective, I need to go, there's something I have to take care of." He could feel Kate's hurt expression burning holes in him as he walked away and it took every ounce of the will power he possessed, not to turn around and meet her gaze. Castle knew if he did, he wouldn't have the strength to walk away and he couldn't be around her right now. If he looked at her, he knew he could (and would) forgive her anything. It's his biggest downfall. She is his biggest downfall and she'd had him hooked ever since she knocked him back that very first time. Most of the time he doesn't mind, but today she's at the epicenter of his broken heart.

Castle looked up as the elevator doors started to close, and he knew as soon as he did it was a mistake. In his direct line of vision, there she stood. He drew a shaky breath he didn't realize he was holding as she lifted her hair from beneath her coat, he felt his eyes sting painfully as Kate felt him watching her and looked up. The doors shut completely and Castle squeezed his eyes tightly shut, sliding leaning heavily against the wall. _'I'm a fool' _He muttered darkly, as the elevator stopped moving. Roughly scrubbing his eyes he headed for the doors of the 12th, without looking back.


	2. Fallout

**Author Note:**

_Firstly thank you for all of your reviews, and alerts. I've never seen my inbox so full and I love to hear what you think of my work, so feel free to drop me a line!_

This was going to be an entirely new story, told in Kate's mindset but because I have additional ideas for how things can pan out, after seeing the episode and spoilers for 'The Limey,' it works better this way. This is still based solely on the promo for '47 Seconds' and my ideas of it, so may not match entirely up to the episode. Oh, and for the purposes of this story- 'The Limey' doesn't exist. So without further adieu, I present you part two: Fallout. There will be one more chapter after this (hopefully tomorrow) and then I'll put this story to bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> _I make no profit from the writing of this, so clearly I'm not Andrew Marlowe. It goes without saying, anything you recognise I do not own._

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoy, because I really enjoyed writing this. Please review!<p>

-Leigh

* * *

><p><strong>Fallout<strong>

Kate watched the elevator doors close and stood staring after Rick for some time after he'd left, unable to shake off the way he'd looked at her- the way he'd spoken to her. "Beckett?" She was completely oblivious to the fact that Ryan was trying to catch her attention, and to the look that her team exchanged, when she didn't respond.

"Kate?" She heard Esposito's voice low in her ear and with the expression of a deer trapped in the headlights, turned to acknowledge him. "Are you okay?" He asked, placing a concerned hand on her arm, which she immediately shrugged off because this was neither the time nor the place to let her defences crumble. "Is it the PTSD?"

Her eyes were shining brightly and she bit down hard on her lip to prevent the emotion of the situation from overwhelming her. She could not fall apart now. It was her job- though it had always been more than that- to speak for those, who no longer could, and she'd be damned if she didn't give them the justice they deserved. "I'm fine Espo," Her voice was surprisingly steady, for which she was grateful, "Or I will be just as soon as we've wrapped this thing up, but-" She paused hesitantly, "Thanks."

Esposito seemed to understand that her comment signalled the end of his questioning and gave her an almost imperceptible nod. A small shadow of an appreciative smile passed across Kate's face before her expression was replaced by one of steely determination.

She'd thrown herself into solving the case after that, paying extra attention when anyone had new information, and trying to follow up on every lead herself. If there was anything Detective Beckett was accomplished at, it was burying herself in her work so she could delay confronting her feelings. When she was busy, she wasn't thinking about herself. When she was busy, she wasn't missing Castle.

He'd had returned an hour later, offering Kate no explanation for his exit before and leaving her thoroughly confused at his behaviour. Truthfully, she hadn't expected him to come back at all that afternoon after their fight (if you could even call it a fight, when one party didn't have the first idea what was going on); but though he hadn't expressly said it, she knew it wasn't for her that he'd come back. He didn't need to. Ordinarily she'd have felt a sense of pride- because once it had been about the story whereas now she could tell the cases were so much more to him – but nothing could replace the hurt she felt every time he seemed to look straight through her, or the way it stung when he directed his words at anyone else in the vicinity, but her. He seemed angry and she couldn't understand what had changed over the course of the day, when earlier it had seemed like they were on the verge of a heart to heart. Admittedly the case had left them all a little traumatised and snappy, but the rational part of Kate's brain told her there was more to it than that. That it was more- personal.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair tiredly and making a mental decision to corner him about it tomorrow. They'd solved the case after running into numerous dead ends; the department had quickly emptied until it was just the two of them. Kate was all up for suggesting they go and grab some food, but he'd blown her off, with barely even a goodnight. So for now she'd go home, soak in the tub for a while with a book and catch a rare early night. "Yo, Becks!" She jumped about a foot in the air, feeling a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Esposito standing beside her.

"God Espo, give a girl a heart attack," She joked, though the corners of her mouth barely turned upwards. "I thought you'd turned in for the night anyway."

He moved towards his desk and opened the top drawer, "Forgot my wallet," He answered, holding it up. "Why are you still here? I thought you and Castle were heading out too."

Kate frowned slightly at his words, trying to ignore the pang of hurt that she felt when her friend brought up Castle, "He said he needed to get home-" She started, shooting him a sidelong glance and wondering if Esposito could shed any light on Castle's abrupt change in attitude. "How did he seem to you earlier?"

Esposito considered the question for a second, "Distressed about the case, but then we all were," He started. "Castle didn't seem to be letting it get to him as much until your interview with Bobby. It seemed strange that he didn't stick around and wait for you in observation- but maybe he just felt he could be more useful elsewhere."

The end of his sentence was lost on Kate, and her face paled slightly, "He was watching the interview?" She clarified, a sinking feeling creeping up on her as his attitude towards her began to make sense.

"Yeah," Esposito replied, surprised that the writer hadn't mentioned it. Neither of them ever said so because there was a time and a place for such things, but he got the feeling he'd interrupted an important conversation between Mom and Dad that morning. "I thought he might have said, sorry."

Kate shook her head, her heart starting to hammer against her rib cage and a look of realisation dawned in her eyes. "Shit," She muttered, feeling her cheeks and neck becoming warm. She'd admitted she remembered everything from that day- and he'd heard her. It explained everything and suddenly the need to speak to speak to him became a lot more pressing.

* * *

><p>It was later that evening though when Kate finally worked up the nerve to call him. She'd text him multiple times between arriving home and now to no avail and it soon became clear that he was ignoring her, because Castle always text her back. Always. That word carried more weight for them than probably even an 'I love you' could have and something in Kate's chest tightened as she entertained the possibility that maybe he'd grown tired of wearing his heart on his sleeve. The worst part was, it was her fault. She'd broken them and she'd never pick herself back up from this if he didn't forgive her.<p>

She'd driven home from the twelfth in a daze and all things considered, it was a wonder she hadn't caused an accident because her mind certainly hadn't been on the road. Now she was sat, in the middle of her floor wearing leggings and an over-sized grey hoodie, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail. She'd tried to eat, ordering from her favourite Chinese restaurant but not managing to swallow more than several mouthfuls of rice and a couple of pieces of chicken. Kate poured herself a large glass of wine, resting both the bottle and her glass on the kitchen counter when she realised she didn't fancy that either. She'd probably need more than a bottle later.

Getting up, Kate paced the floor of her apartment restlessly, she put the phone to her ear and listened to it ring. Once, twice...She counted eight rings before hanging up. She repeated this process a further five times in the space of about twenty minutes. Her heart sank, as the sixth time she tried it immediately went to voicemail. He'd turned his phone off. "Hi, you've reached Rick Castle. Sorry I'm too busy being awesome to talk. Leave a message, or send me a text- or you could always try smoke signals." Despite herself, she couldn't help the way her lips turned up into a sad smile at his humour.

"Hey Castle-" She started, her voice cracking on the words, "I know you're mad at me. I know why you're mad at me- I deserve it, but I want to explain- If you'll let me- Call me? Please?" She hung up the phone and threw it against the sofa cushions, burying her face in one of them. Kate bit down on her lip so hard that she drew blood, not even trying to deny the tears that blighted her vision. _What had she done? And what if she couldn't fix it? _

As her brain proceeded to mock up various worst case scenarios, she could feel something catch in her throat and just like that Detective Beckett came undone. Her sobs wracked her entire body, causing the ache in her chest to worsen and she struggled to breathe. Weeks of pent up emotion rushed to the surface and there was nothing she could do, except wait for the storm to pass. Kate was in all sense of the word, helpless.

When she'd managed to calm herself down, and after drinking two glasses of wine in relatively quick succession, she picked up her phone again; toying with it for a minute before speed dialling the one number of the person she knew would tell her straight what she needed to hear- even if she didn't want to hear it. "Lanie?" Kate sniffed as the call connected.

"Kate? Gimme a minute," For a second there was silence before she heard movement in the background and her friend stifling a giggle; Kate realised that Lanie wasn't on her own. "If this is a bad time I can-" She started, embarrassed for intruding on what was potentially a date.

"Don't you dare put that phone down, you hear me?" Lanie said sternly and from her tone of voice, Kate thought she'd better comply. It didn't stop her from starting to protest, though the shock of hearing her friend's next words prevented any further argument, "Stop it Javi," She huffed, "Let me talk to our girl!"

Kate's eyes widened, as she heard his muttered response, and she couldn't help the small smile which graced her features for the briefest moment. It was about bloody time they sorted themselves out because everyone else could see they were made for each other. "You're with Espo? Are you-?"

"Nu-uh no comment, this isn't about me," The M.E interrupted firmly, turning the conversation back on Kate. "You've been crying, and I wanna know why."

"But you're busy, "Kate took a steadying breath, her grin fading. She was now beginning to regret picking up the phone because she knew her friend wouldn't let it drop. As a last ditch effort, she tried to inject a positive note into her voice before speaking again, "I'm fine, really- go and enjoy your evening, we can talk later."

"Like hell you are, Kate Beckett!" She could almost see Lanie giving her 'the look' as she paused, "Now are you gonna tell me what's got you so worked up or do I have to come over there and force it out of you?"

The concern in Lanie's voice was only thinly disguised by her no-nonsense attitude, and it was all it took for the floodgates to reopen, "Its Castle, "She choked on the words, tears blinding her vision and clogging up her throat. Kate brought her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them.

"What did he do this time? I swear writer-boy has a death wish," Her voice was slightly muffled as Kate wedged the phone between her ear and her shoulder, but she got the gist of what she was saying.

Air completely filled Kate's lungs, rendering her temporarily speechless. "It's not his fault," She finally found her voice; before Lanie could go into a fully blown tirade about the painful ways she could dismember him. She already knew that rant word for word. "I messed up, Lanie he- I think he hates me."

"Tell me something Kate? Did you take knock to the head earlier? That guy would move mountains for you, so why on earth would you think he hates you? " On the end of the phone Kate could hear the incredulous note in her voice and her facial expression was all too easy to picture.

"Because Iliedtohim." Kate's words became jumbled in her haste to make Lanie understand, "He looked so hurt and I've done that to him." She swallowed hard, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "I don't blame him."

"I think you'd better slow down and start from the beginning." Incredulity was replaced by confusion, and Kate sighed, knowing there was no way she was going to get away with a condensed version of events. This was Lanie she was talking to.

"I lied to him- after the shooting," She haltingly started to explain again, "He asked me if I remembered anything about what happened and I said no- but I never forgot."

"And what do you remember?"

"Everything—" There was a considerable pause, "He told me he loved me," The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them, and in the moment of silence that followed, she found she was relieved to have got at least some of it off her chest. That relief however was short lived as she forced her next sentence out, "And he knows I remember."

"Well that complicates things," Lanie answered finally, a slight edge creeping into her voice, that unintentionally served to make Kate feel worse.

"I was always going to tell him," She defended her actions, though there was very little fight in her voice. "That was never the issue- but I needed to recover first- I needed to become better so I could be the person he wanted me to be." Her voice became panicked and she drew a shallow breath. "Do you think he'll forgive me Lanie?"

"Do you love him?" Instead of replying, Lanie countered Kate's question with one of her own and for a second Kate didn't respond. It was a measure of how scared she was of losing him that she didn't immediately deflect the question, as she would have done any other time. "I do."

"You're gonna have to speak up, because I didn't quite catch that," Admittedly Kate hadn't spoken very loudly, but they both knew Lanie had heard. Hell, she'd known the answer without even needing to ask.

"I said, I love him Lanie," The words sounded foreign on her lips, but her voice came out louder now and nowhere near as shakily as Kate felt. There was a stunned silence on both ends of the line, as she vocalized her feelings for the very first time. Had she really come that far?

"Then why are you sat here telling me girl? Go tell Castle that." Her tone was one of exasperation bordering on amusement. "I won't even say I told you so!"

"What? Lanie I-," Fear laced Kate's tone, her heart was still hammering nervously against her ribcage from her revelation and she was relieved to be sitting down, because she could feel her legs trembling beneath her. "I can't."

"You can, and you're gonna tell him everything you've just told me, because if you think, for one second I'mma just gonna sit back and watch you run again, you are seriously mistaken girl!" Kate got the feeling Lanie had been waiting quite some time to give her this particular lecture.

"Lanie, listen to me-" She started, but it was as far as she got before Lanie interrupted her once more.

"No Kate, you listen to me," She mimicked her friend's tone, "For as long as I've known you you've buried yourself in the profession because you've never met anyone who cares about you enough to risk dropping your guard for. Correct?"

"Lanie this isn't helping," Kate half-heartedly protested, although she knew it wouldn't do any good. Once Lanie got a bee in her bonnet, there was no stopping her.

"Just answer my question." Sure enough, Lanie wasn't budging.

"I guess I can't argue with that," Kate conceded warily, running her fingers up the stem of her wine glass, and over the rim. If her friend had been there, she'd have seen everything that Kate wasn't saying reflected in her eyes. "Until-"

"Until Castle came along," Lanie interrupted triumphantly, and Kate realised with a roll of her eyes, that there was no point trying to hide things. The M.E could derive more from the things Kate didn't say, than from the things she did. She didn't know why she was even surprised anymore, because this was standard for their conversations. "And I'mma telling you now that man would go to hell and back for you; I'll be damned if I let you mess this thing up again."

Thinking she'd finished speaking, Kate opened her mouth to- well, she didn't know what she was going to say but as it turned out it didn't matter, because her friend still had more to say apparently.

"Nuh-uh, I'm not done with you yet. I've sat tight for four years watching you dance around the issue and it stops here. You do not get to hide behind Detective Beckett anymore, so get your booty off that couch and go put writer-boy out of his damn misery, Kate."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading :) Next chapter: What does Kate do next?<p> 


End file.
